I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
