the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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