Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
