I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
