The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
