the condom got lost in my hair
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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