I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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