Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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