i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Houston, we have a blender
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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