She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
