Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
