if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
