so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize