I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
