So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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