I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
