i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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