She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
