...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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