Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
