i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
