We're facebook friends in real life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
