the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
