i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
