she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
