Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
