i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
