ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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