I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
