everyone is single if you try hard enough
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
