i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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