everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You took a bar mat shot.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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