drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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