The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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