Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
