i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
