I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
