Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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