Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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