I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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