So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
