you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
