Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
