Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
