you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
