After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
