A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
