He uses pillows to masturbate.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
