I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
