so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
